Maul in a mall

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Gunjan Dev

It’s a Saturday, break from office. Things are at peace so far. Sipping my black tea on a cool but sunny day and listening to early morning music provides a sense of tranquility.

Suddenly, a voice came from behind suggesting a visit to the mall. The so-called visit assumed importance within a short span as the “End of season sale” was on and it was probably the most appropriate time to pick up the “non-essential items”. Our small and till now happy family reached the Saturday bustle of the mall and fought hard in the first hour to look for a parking. Having conquered the first hurdle, the family entered the mall only to discover that two thirds of the city where you live was already in the mall.

We were greeted with signs and wisdom of messages flashing at stores stating 40% off and what not. All discount messages were followed by a happy emoji. The stores, however, failed to intimate us about the 60% balance and the efforts required to arrange the same.

They also did not have the courtesy to paste an emoji for the balance 60%. The basic rule of minimalism states, that if you have an article priced at ₹10,000 and its on sale at ₹7500, you don’t save ₹2500 but end up paying ₹7500. However, this principle and bit of wisdom is not for all.

A famous ladies fashion store in the mall had a greater number of ladies than the floor area available. Thanks to all the intelligent husbands who found it appropriate to stand outside and wait for the ordeal to end, though knowing very well that the Nazi rule had just started. It’s during these periods of solace and peace that many of us, poor husbands while exploring every bit of their smart phones realize receiving lovely WhatsApp messages and important mails some time back. This unperturbed moment of bliss brings us closer to ourselves. Just when we are about to attain Nirvana, we are summoned to be present outside the trial room. It’s probably named as a “Trial room” keeping in view the life of the poor petitioner waiting for the end of his Trial.

As swift as a Fauji on for a surgical strike, we need to wade past the ocean of ladies and be at the point of action to strike. The modus operandi thereafter is being done since ages and has actually taken man hours (connotes man hours as it has been an art that Men have acquired) to master the skill. The act of nodding your head in connivance. Not only the physical act, but a man needs to be vocal too. Vocal enough to state that the “Dress suits you, pick it up”. This statement of affirmation brings a smile to your lady beloved and she gets back into the trial room after communicating the need to remain there. Another round of entries and exits, another round of head nodding’s and another round of verbal commitments is all that it takes to save ₹2500/- at the failure of reason sale aka end of season sale.

There is a certain bit of doubt at the billing counter regarding the fit, cost and etc. However, it’s the experience and deft handling of the husbands over ages, that all these questions are taken care of and you leave the billing counter with no skepticism.

Generally, questions do arise at the billing counter or during the stay at the store. The most common and universal being a humble request from wife to pick up some stuff for you. “Me Too” is what you generally say. You are counseled about the rock bottom prices, your fading wardrobe and the need to upgrade your closet. However, me too, the next time is probably the smartest way to save the remaining ₹ 7500.

During the balance stay at the Mall, I was often reminded of the great deal that we made on the day. It really feels great when you end up saving considerable amount of money after having struck a quid pro quo that was out of the world.

Back to the struggle of getting the parked car out of the mall and way back home with a small, happy family now extended with a couple of handbags. However, during the ride back home, I am yet again reminded of picking up stuff for myself as long as the “End of the Reason sale” is on.

Driving back, I think, of another day, another mall and yet another maul.

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author’s own.

via TOI Blog

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